I feel melancholy. I miss the old way of feeling--normal.
The normal where I can write a date on the calendar months ahead and follow through with going somewhere. Maybe sitting with a smoke and drink with friends while talking about nothing but doing something. This new normal has an after taste I cannot seem to ignore nor lessen.
I understand my life has shifted to a point that is unrecognizable right now. I just wish for familiarity.
Nothing is familiar in this grief. I write because it keeps somewhat grounded. I share these thoughts because it hurts to much to bottle them. I write to share because I believe somewhere I am connecting with someone.
There are times, like this moment, when my heart feel empty. So empty my heart, soul ache. I have to push it out in a primal groan. That is how I feel again. Feel released and centered again. I am just so damned tired of cycle.
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