Sunday, July 31, 2011

April 20, 2007 "What Normal?"

I feel melancholy.  I miss the old way of feeling--normal.

The normal where I can write a date on the calendar months ahead and follow through with going somewhere. Maybe sitting with a smoke and drink with friends while talking about nothing but doing something.  This new normal has an after taste I cannot seem to ignore nor lessen.

I understand my life has shifted to a point that is unrecognizable right now.  I just wish for familiarity.

Nothing is familiar in this grief.  I write because it keeps somewhat grounded.  I share these thoughts because it hurts to much to bottle them.  I write to share because I believe somewhere I am connecting with someone.

There are times, like this moment, when my heart feel empty.  So empty my heart, soul ache.  I have to push it out in a primal groan.  That is how I feel again.  Feel released and centered again.  I am just so damned tired of cycle.

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