Support: When Are You Ready For Another Child?

Dear Friends,

I understand the fear all too well.  The fear of:

Can I do this again?  Can I put myself, partner and family through another possible pain, another death?  What are the odds it will happen again?  Will it happen again?  How do I support myself when I am pregnant again to not fall victim to my own fears?  How do I not feel guilty for yearning for another child? Am I honoring my deceased child by wanting another baby?  Are my partner and I on the same page for conceiving again?  Will my family support me in wanting to conceive again?  Am I ready?  How do I talk about being ready?

You and your family experienced trauma.  Death trauma of a child.  The wound is very deep.  The wound might never heal, not fully.  This is your reality.

This is another layer of healing when one begins to process these questions.

That is all we can do--find time to answer the instinctual questions we hold about when the next child (grown inside or adopted) is ready to emerge.  You know when it feels right.  You know when it feels right and your partner feels the pull too.  When you both are holding hands, ready to dive off the high dive again, you will know.  Just like a stellar pot of coffee, percolation is required.  Let things percolate and brew to the taste meant for family and you.

The bitter taste of guilt will undoubtedly play a part in your process.  That is normal.  You will feel angst over if or not you are replacing your deceased child with another.  Please hold my hand and know, you are never replacing.  What is felt, seen, heard, learned from outside is irrelevant as you are loving more and more.  More and more.  More and more.  Replacement is not in your vocabulary.

A delicate part is this: Your partner is protecting you.  Please remember this when you feel anger and hurt that he/she is not expressing a sense of readiness.  Listen to heart and instincts of knowing.  Breath deep, relax and allow your story to be told.  You collectively will feel the pull to what is the direction you want to go.

I am here.

Sister Grief To Birth Of More And More